Honest Thoughts about ‘The Bachelor’ Two Episodes In

This post was written for Fashion Journal.

the bachelor nick honey badger

Strewth.

Dear friends, the countdown is finally over. The much-anticipated arrival of Nick ‘Honey Badger’ Cummins and his quest to find love has hit our screens.

I hope you all celebrated in true Bachelor fashion: cardboard cut-outs (of Nick and Osh, duh), copious amounts of champagne and/or wine, and an excessive cheeseboard. Truth be told, the first two episodes did not let me down in the slightest. I’ve been mulling over some initial thoughts on the beginning of Season 6, so humour me a while.

Could Nick Cummins have the most delicate male hair in town?

There is no question about it, the Honey Badger’s hair is a work of art. Like any painting, there are mixed remarks, but whether you froth or demand a trim, these are inarguably well-cared-for tresses. The delicate curls call to mind all the porcelain dolls I wished had adorned my bedroom shelves: perfectly placed, not too tight, not too loose. They’re untouchable and shiny; framing that little head. I’m not sure I’d like to date someone with better hair than me, but Nick, please, do us a favour and share your hair hacks?

The show is still too white.

Whichever way you look at it, this season is still far too white. Nick has undoubtedly got a thing for the brunette babes, but let’s step away from tokenism and start representing the real face of Australia.

The Cat’s really come out to play on the Australian Bachelor.

I’m a contender for the top Bachelor fan (hot on the tails of my sister and mum). I watch the US series just as religiously as the homegrown. Aside from the evident difference in fashion choices (bodycon never left America), I’ve noticed a divide in the friendliness of play. US Bachelor’s Corinne Olympios is a Daddy’s girl, prone to whining and sullying her sorrows with cubed cheese (a girl after my own heart), but she’s far from downright nasty. Cat, our infamous fashion/jewellery designer, is quite the opposite. She’s the ringleader we see each season: followed by her minions, targeting girls who like crystals, neglect shoes or don’t pash Bachie on the first date. I love drama, but slitting someone’s soul is never fun to watch.

This will be the most quoted season of The Bachelor yet.

I’ve learnt more Australian slang from watching two episodes of this season than I have picked up in my entire life. I’ve also never laughed so hard watching this show or considered turning the subtitles on. “Tippy-top” (to describe the hotness of one’s date). “Nervous as a bag of cats at a greyhound meet” (i.e. pants-wetting degree of frightened). These are just two examples of what is to come: a lesson in the bizarre nature of Australian slang. Before you know it, we’ll all be rabid honey badgers spewing out words in the strangest of fashion.

(Image via Instagram)

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